If you’re AuDHD, you probably already know that feelings don’t arrive politely.
I wanted to write about something that sits right at the centre of so many of our experiences: emotions. If you’re AuDHD, you probably already know that feelings don’t arrive politely. They show up like uninvited guests kicking the door in, wearing muddy boots, and demanding snacks. This article is all about understanding why emotions can feel so intense, confusing, or overwhelming, and how we can navigate them with a little more compassion and a lot less shame.
The Science Bit
AuDHD brains often experience emotional dysregulation, which basically means our emotional volume knob is stuck on “dramatic cinema soundtrack.”
Some reasons this happens:
Interoception differences — our internal signals (like hunger, stress, or tiredness) can be fuzzy or delayed, so emotions sometimes hit all at once.
Executive function load — when your brain is juggling 47 tasks, even a tiny emotional spark can feel like a wildfire.
Rejection sensitivity — many AuDHD folks experience heightened sensitivity to perceived criticism or disapproval.
Sensory overload — emotions and sensory input share brain real estate, so when one spikes, the other often does too.
None of this means we’re “too much.” It means our brains process the world differently — often more deeply, more intensely, and more honestly.
What is Interoception?
RJ’s World
Here’s a little window into my own emotional chaos this week.
My partner Oli is a gamer...and a very good one. Me? I've dabbled with gaming over the years but to be completely honest my skill level is button bashing at Tekken or rocking it out on Guitar Hero (which I'd love to play again but it's so hard to find the guitars these days!)
When we got together, we promised each other that we would at least try at something that the other was interested in, even if it wasn't something that we usually enjoyed doing or hadn't tried before.
So, on Sunday night Oli asked me to have a go at the game he's currently playing. From what I had seen, it was a shooting game, set in space, where you have to complete levels by destroying the enemies... and a bit where you talk to a plant (don't ask, no idea!) I instantly started to clam up and retreat into my shell, like a turtle under attack. My heartbeat started to rise, and a million thoughts and questions started flashing through my mind like a Google search engine being asked to show all the entries and definitions in the dictionary! But I had to give it a go...I'd promised.
Reluctantly I positioned myself in Oli's gaming chair, although if you were there, I made it look like I was being strapped into an electric chair. Then Oli gave me the low-down on the controller. How to move forward and back, and look in different directions, how to shoot and reload, and some other things too but my mind was still on the first four instructions!
I had a go at moving around, shooting the gun, reloading the gun, saying hello to the plant but I was still incredibly anxious. I wasn't sure why. I knew I hadn't enjoyed games like this before. I knew I hadn't picked up a controller in over a decade. I knew that the enemies in the game looked scary. I think I was probably scared about doing badly, embarrassing myself. Whatever the reasons, I was anxious.
When I eventually got the courage to start the game, I fired the gun at the enemies, who instantly attacked me, I panicked, couldn't remember what buttons to use, ended up looking at the ceiling of the space station, couldn't re-orientate myself and subsequently died in the game. I felt even more anxious, frustrated, a little angry and embarrassed; handed the controller back to Oli, grumbling under my breath and left the room.
Old me would’ve spiralled into “Why am I like this?”
New me grabbed a snack, sat on the floor in the bathroom (elite emotional regulation position), and let the feelings be messy without trying to decode them immediately. The heightened emotions started to subside, and I felt in a good enough space to go and talk to Oli. Anything that I struggled to say, I wrote down and then agreed that next time I would try and explain my feelings before they got so out of control.
I'm really lucky to be in a relationship with someone who gets it. Oli has Autism so can relate to how intense and overwhelming feelings can be.
Tips & Tricks
Here are a few gentle, AuDHD‑friendly ways to navigate emotional intensity:
Name the body, not the feeling.Instead of “I’m overwhelmed,” try “My chest feels tight” or “My brain feels fast.” It’s grounding.
Snack first, analyse later.Low blood sugar is the plot twist behind half my meltdowns.
Create a “calm corner.”A hoodie, a blanket, a soft light, a fidget. A tiny sensory nest you can retreat to.
Use the 10% rule.If something feels impossible, do 10% of it. Emotional momentum counts.
Let emotions pass through, not take root.You don’t have to solve them. Just let them move.
AuDHD Activity
The Emotional Colour Map
Grab some pens or digital brushes and draw a simple outline of a person (stick figure is perfect).
Then fill different areas with colours that match how your body feels today.
No rules. No “right” answers.
Just a visual snapshot of your internal weather.